Post by Septimus Finnegan on Feb 19, 2024 9:04:26 GMT -8
"I want to make the excuse that I was young, but I wasn't naïve. I knew exactly that getting involved with Leon was both dangerous and wrong on so many levels. To both myself and him. But I didn't want to listen to reason when his flirtatious advances kept toeing the line of appropriate and pushed my buttons and my resolve so artfully. He was a beautiful young man and he knew it. Blond hair that wasn't overly styled but framed his face effortlessly, and those eyes... He had bright eyes, bright blue and intelligent, witty, sometimes bordering on insolent, but he always knew when to tone it down so as to not get in trouble. I admired that about him, the way he could adapt to people so quickly and charm them without them being any wiser about it.
It wasn't by chance that he became my assistant. He was smart and didn't have to rely on his charms to open up opportunities. But his position was the first reason why I should have put a stop to all this immediately.
It was highly inappropriate of course for him to make any advances towards me, but even more so for me not to put an end to them immediately, even if I didn't encourage him either, in the beginning. I assumed he did so at great personal risk to his reputation and his position, but in hindsight I suspect that the risk was likely calculated. I don't want to go so far as to accuse him of having had ulterior motives from the start. He's not a bad man and I won't paint him as such. I like to imagine that his affection was genuine.
The more I indulged him, the bolder he got. He seemed to glow with the privilege I allowed him. Until he dared to touch me and my resolve snapped. I simply threw all sense of propriety and self-respect to the wind and invited him to my home.
We snuck around for a few weeks and I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder. I knew that I could keep the secret, but I was constantly worried that the press might find out some way or other, worried for his prospects, his career, and to a lesser degree my own integrity.
I would never have guessed that he'd be the one to bring it out in the open, to all but brag to the public that our work relationship was not all... well... the way the press put it - and I don't know how much of that was his actual statement - that I had taken him from my anteroom straight into my bedroom. We had quite the fight about all this. I never blamed him for spilling when we hadn't agreed on a stance, on anything. At least I didn't tell him that I thought he'd been in the wrong for doing so. With my rose coloured glasses on I was still convinced that the statement was much more detrimental to him than to me. He was young and I had inflated his ego, I told myself. It was only natural for him to want to share this - us - with the world.
But I wouldn't idly stand by and do nothing to contain the damage. Despite his protests I removed him from my direct working environment and he became quiet rather quickly when I called in a few favours and landed him a more senior position than his previous one, all behind the front of wanting to prevent either of us being compromised or biased, all in the name of professionalism. Now, in hindsight, I'll readily admit that I dealt with the situation far from professionally.
Things settled surprisingly quickly though when I wasn't his superior anymore and the public learned to accept our relationship. They even cheered for us when I eventually married him. It was good, most of the time. We fought regularly, but I expected as much, what with our temperaments being equally passionate and stubborn. That didn't make the fights any less draining, but I loved him and I loved the idea of coming home to him, of having a beautiful man on my arm at public events, of jealousy calling him mine.
Eventually though I began to put less energy into our fights and just conceded to whatever point he was making. Instead I poured more of myself into my work and that, finally, bore fruit. That's when I was awarded my seat on the Wizengamot with considerable decision making power and influence. It was a logical step for someone working with international wizarding law, but a big one nonetheless. He didn't take it well.
Of course Leon congratulated me, even threw me a party, but that was most likely just to have an excuse to invite plenty of other influential people he could chat up. And chat them up he did. I was fuming by the end of it and he'd managed to mess with me so much that I thought I'd seen him disappear with the secretary of the minister (a mature lady who I had a lot of respect for. I'd never taken the time to notice that I was by far not his first catch significantly older than him, nor his last. Even though this particular romp was just a product of my enraged imagination). Once I managed to elegantly and appropriately excuse myself from the party and finally found him, he was by himself, unaffected as may be, and I felt the guilt for the ghosts I was seeing.
What I didn't see was that he was playing me. He used my newfound connections without my knowledge and they became his playing field. The only obstacle was me. All those heads of departments, even other ministers and influential people were enamoured with him but as long as he stood in my shadow, was married to me and the public eye thought him subservient to me, his professional ideas and suggestions fell on deaf ears. Unless they came from my mouth. Which is how it should be. Some upstart spouse should have no power on the political playing field, but clearly his opinions differed. And that is when he decided he had to surpass me. Ruin me in the process if possible.
I noticed his intentions too late though so I still trustingly shared details... secrets that should've stayed hidden at all costs. Such as actions of mine... How to put this... I might have been greedy... Always for the state though! But my art of persuasion needed... a boost to push through the more favourable outcome of the negotiations, as well as the head of the auror office closing an eye...or two... to some practices. All of this happened behind closed doors of course, so it dropped like a bomb when details about my... somewhat dubious practices suddenly came to light. I should've known then, but I was delusional.
He on the other hand played it perfectly. He swooped in as the great hero, saving the ministry's reputation at 'great personal cost', as he told the press, 'going against his first loyalty' - me. But apparently he still had use of me. It would've been easier for his plan to publicly divorce me, I'm sure. He didn't. Probably thought he could milk my name further before disposing of me. But the power rose to his head.
His comments at home, where I admittedly wallowed in self-pity, became increasingly worrying. His greed for more influence and his image of himself inflated to a degree where we started fighting almost constantly. And when I was at my lowest in my career and in my self-esteem, I decided that I couldn't also sacrifice my integrity. I couldn't support anymore what he was doing and what he was refusing to see, so I filed for divorce. I figured, if I ripped the bandaid off with enough force, it might wake him up. And hurt less. A break wouldn't have been enough.
I felt like I could breathe again. I sold my house that we'd lived in and since there was nothing left for me, no prospects, no opportunities with my ruined image, I decided to try for a new start. I moved away from the city, towards the coast and was ready to wash my hands off him, completely banish him from my thoughts. It wasn't always easy because I'd come to fear him. I'd seen his ambition and how far he was willing to go and I was sure that if he found a way to keep his influence, it would be detrimental for a lot of people. But I wouldn't be able to stop him. He wouldn't hear me.
My savings afforded me a modest house and allowed me to spend some time finding and bettering myself. Studies in magic that I had neglected for so many years in favour of political ambition tickled my brain as if I'd never stopped immersing myself in the matter. Hidden away in my own space I flourished. And when I finally emerged it was to a newfound drive and vision.”
It wasn't by chance that he became my assistant. He was smart and didn't have to rely on his charms to open up opportunities. But his position was the first reason why I should have put a stop to all this immediately.
It was highly inappropriate of course for him to make any advances towards me, but even more so for me not to put an end to them immediately, even if I didn't encourage him either, in the beginning. I assumed he did so at great personal risk to his reputation and his position, but in hindsight I suspect that the risk was likely calculated. I don't want to go so far as to accuse him of having had ulterior motives from the start. He's not a bad man and I won't paint him as such. I like to imagine that his affection was genuine.
The more I indulged him, the bolder he got. He seemed to glow with the privilege I allowed him. Until he dared to touch me and my resolve snapped. I simply threw all sense of propriety and self-respect to the wind and invited him to my home.
We snuck around for a few weeks and I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder. I knew that I could keep the secret, but I was constantly worried that the press might find out some way or other, worried for his prospects, his career, and to a lesser degree my own integrity.
I would never have guessed that he'd be the one to bring it out in the open, to all but brag to the public that our work relationship was not all... well... the way the press put it - and I don't know how much of that was his actual statement - that I had taken him from my anteroom straight into my bedroom. We had quite the fight about all this. I never blamed him for spilling when we hadn't agreed on a stance, on anything. At least I didn't tell him that I thought he'd been in the wrong for doing so. With my rose coloured glasses on I was still convinced that the statement was much more detrimental to him than to me. He was young and I had inflated his ego, I told myself. It was only natural for him to want to share this - us - with the world.
But I wouldn't idly stand by and do nothing to contain the damage. Despite his protests I removed him from my direct working environment and he became quiet rather quickly when I called in a few favours and landed him a more senior position than his previous one, all behind the front of wanting to prevent either of us being compromised or biased, all in the name of professionalism. Now, in hindsight, I'll readily admit that I dealt with the situation far from professionally.
Things settled surprisingly quickly though when I wasn't his superior anymore and the public learned to accept our relationship. They even cheered for us when I eventually married him. It was good, most of the time. We fought regularly, but I expected as much, what with our temperaments being equally passionate and stubborn. That didn't make the fights any less draining, but I loved him and I loved the idea of coming home to him, of having a beautiful man on my arm at public events, of jealousy calling him mine.
Eventually though I began to put less energy into our fights and just conceded to whatever point he was making. Instead I poured more of myself into my work and that, finally, bore fruit. That's when I was awarded my seat on the Wizengamot with considerable decision making power and influence. It was a logical step for someone working with international wizarding law, but a big one nonetheless. He didn't take it well.
Of course Leon congratulated me, even threw me a party, but that was most likely just to have an excuse to invite plenty of other influential people he could chat up. And chat them up he did. I was fuming by the end of it and he'd managed to mess with me so much that I thought I'd seen him disappear with the secretary of the minister (a mature lady who I had a lot of respect for. I'd never taken the time to notice that I was by far not his first catch significantly older than him, nor his last. Even though this particular romp was just a product of my enraged imagination). Once I managed to elegantly and appropriately excuse myself from the party and finally found him, he was by himself, unaffected as may be, and I felt the guilt for the ghosts I was seeing.
What I didn't see was that he was playing me. He used my newfound connections without my knowledge and they became his playing field. The only obstacle was me. All those heads of departments, even other ministers and influential people were enamoured with him but as long as he stood in my shadow, was married to me and the public eye thought him subservient to me, his professional ideas and suggestions fell on deaf ears. Unless they came from my mouth. Which is how it should be. Some upstart spouse should have no power on the political playing field, but clearly his opinions differed. And that is when he decided he had to surpass me. Ruin me in the process if possible.
I noticed his intentions too late though so I still trustingly shared details... secrets that should've stayed hidden at all costs. Such as actions of mine... How to put this... I might have been greedy... Always for the state though! But my art of persuasion needed... a boost to push through the more favourable outcome of the negotiations, as well as the head of the auror office closing an eye...or two... to some practices. All of this happened behind closed doors of course, so it dropped like a bomb when details about my... somewhat dubious practices suddenly came to light. I should've known then, but I was delusional.
He on the other hand played it perfectly. He swooped in as the great hero, saving the ministry's reputation at 'great personal cost', as he told the press, 'going against his first loyalty' - me. But apparently he still had use of me. It would've been easier for his plan to publicly divorce me, I'm sure. He didn't. Probably thought he could milk my name further before disposing of me. But the power rose to his head.
His comments at home, where I admittedly wallowed in self-pity, became increasingly worrying. His greed for more influence and his image of himself inflated to a degree where we started fighting almost constantly. And when I was at my lowest in my career and in my self-esteem, I decided that I couldn't also sacrifice my integrity. I couldn't support anymore what he was doing and what he was refusing to see, so I filed for divorce. I figured, if I ripped the bandaid off with enough force, it might wake him up. And hurt less. A break wouldn't have been enough.
I felt like I could breathe again. I sold my house that we'd lived in and since there was nothing left for me, no prospects, no opportunities with my ruined image, I decided to try for a new start. I moved away from the city, towards the coast and was ready to wash my hands off him, completely banish him from my thoughts. It wasn't always easy because I'd come to fear him. I'd seen his ambition and how far he was willing to go and I was sure that if he found a way to keep his influence, it would be detrimental for a lot of people. But I wouldn't be able to stop him. He wouldn't hear me.
My savings afforded me a modest house and allowed me to spend some time finding and bettering myself. Studies in magic that I had neglected for so many years in favour of political ambition tickled my brain as if I'd never stopped immersing myself in the matter. Hidden away in my own space I flourished. And when I finally emerged it was to a newfound drive and vision.”